That's a nice poem, I lime the message you're trying to put across and I wish I could come up with something that makes that much sense in my journals! Usually my thoughts are just a bunch of ideas all mixed together haha!

The rhythm is quite pleasant which sort of contradicts the words and their meaning which works quite effectively. Although my one criticism is that perhaps it can seem a little too simple. I remember when I first started DA someone critiqued one of my poems saying that the rhyme scheme seemed too forced. Like I was trying to find words that rhymed on purpose rather than considering what worked best in the poem. It turned out to be great advance and I like to think I've improved. Perhaps you have the same problem here? Maybe the parts of the poem which have most meaning should be left unrhymed or should be slightly longer so as they stand out from the rest of the poem. There are many different techniques you could use to create more variety.

Anyway I hope that helped. You do have a talent with words and expressing yourself and I imagine that your work will progress very nicely!

thanks!

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Life, Love, and Happiness are their own reward, live like you've earned them.

Very nice...makes me feel sad, although it's supposed to be uplifting. Maybe, because I'm doing exactly what you say not to? lol

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- "This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper." - TS Eliot

very good, I like the message and the style really is good.

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you can't have the mountains without the valleys

Wow, thank you guys, its really encouraging to hear all the positive feedback!

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Life, Love, and Happiness are their own reward, live like you've earned them.